Creating a new path in 2020 – one without holes in the road!
“Autobiography in Five Short Chapters”
by Portia Nelson
1. I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost … I am hopeless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
2. I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I’m in the same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
3. I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
4. I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
5. I walk down another street.”
I first posted a blog about this in December 2018, and it is still an approach that I refer to a lot in my practice now.
This is the time of year when we reflect on what we achieved in the past year and start to look forward, with lots of talk about goals and resolutions. How can we ensure that our goals are the things we truly want, and not short lived statements that we have forgotten about by March?
It's important that we take the time to think about new goals and paths that we are really passionate about, committed to making a reality, and driven to do the hard work that will make the change worthwhile.
in 2018 a friend gave me a book and inside was a beautiful postcard with the attached poem on it.
Portia Nelson’s poem struck a real chord with me. My coaching is rooted in the belief that the client is naturally creative, resourceful and whole; absolutely capable of finding their own answers to the challenges they face. I regularly refer to the hooks and triggers which lead clients to behave in certain, often habitual, and sometimes unhelpful ways.
When I think about my coaching approach, the “holes in the sidewalk” of the poem represent the unhelpful thinking patterns and behaviours that we adopt when a deeply embedded trigger occurs. These triggers are rooted in our assumptions, our beliefs and our values. Triggers occur in a wide variety of situations, including high levels of stress, the desire to impress in a work meeting, feeling overwhelmed, a competitive situation, fear of judgement or failure, etc. Even fear of success can be a trigger for many.
To avoid falling, or occasionally leaping, into the 'holes in our own sidewalk', we need to identify our triggers.
Once we understand our triggers, we can spot the ‘holes in our sidewalks’. We can skid to a halt in front of them, or edge around the outside. This is the first step to making a change. However, to create real, sustainable change we need to rethink how we engage with our lives everyday, and take a completely different path – one without ‘holes in the sidewalk’. In a recent article coach Leo Widrich shared an interesting reflection on the way many of us plan and lead our lives. He talks about many of us living life as if it is an endurance event and says that “enduring gets us far, but I don’t think that’s what life is for. To let go of that belief and to allow a new one to emerge, often one rooted in love and joy, is scary and takes courage.” His thoughts are key to creating a path that is truly meaningful to us, and not just another step in the endurance of life.
With this thought in mind I would urge you to consider 3 key things when you are thinking about the goals you want to set for 2020:
• If you could be anywhere, and achieve anything in the next year, what would you do?
• What would you have in your life if you reached that goal(s)?
• What is the first step you can take to work towards that?
Once you have identified your goals, think about your journey to reach them, and identify:
• What are the likely ‘holes in the road’ on your path? The thinking patterns and behaviours which have stopped you achieving your goals in the past?
• What triggers lead you to those ‘holes’?
• What do you need to do to create a new path without these ‘holes’?
If you would like more information about how working with a coach can help you to define and reach your goals, please click on the contact button below. I offer a complimentary Discovery session with no obligation.